Are we there yet? Maybe never?

I think abouth when I used to be more open, less guarded...a little more joyful, even. But, perhaps that's just nostalgia talking.

"When did life get so hard?"

He asked me this a couple of weeks ago. It was a rhetorical question, but I'd wished I'd had an answer, because maybe then I'd have a better sense of how to go about things.

I'm not the sort of person who's never satisfied with what she's got, who's always wanting more, but lately there's an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't be filled.

I want what we all want. A love story of my own (we are sorta there right R????) Not an ideal love, even just the way we are is ok. Just someone to love, who will love me well, and fiercely, sometimes. Fiercely enough to stay.

The thing is...I know that if this sort of love knocked on my door a few months ago I wouldnt have been there....Am I there now? Are we there? I'm not in the place to entertain this right at the moment.....

Ah well...

All in good time.

Is it right?

I have run into a few situations, very recent, where I have been put in a position to make some tough calls. People, things, situations, etc. have come up where I have had the opportunity to "skate" around something I'd rather not even be in a "rink" with or; just totally choose not to put my skates on and go shoe shopping instead! Life is tough from time to time but I really believe It's easier to be yourself than pretending to be someone you are not. I mean why on Earth should we fake something we don't feel. The caveat to this is that I am starting to feel
it's not acceptable socially to be as clear, blunt, and upfront as I tend to be. Should I care? I mean really. Don't buy it if you won't "own" it right? Or wrong?

it is what it is

Everything reverts to numbers.....shapes, sizes, circles and squares...hey, you even have to have the right numbers to win the lottery! Well, also included in this, I'm afraid, is that as the population of the planet increases, so do the value of its numbers decrease. Is the value of family, work, and play worth more today than say ten years ago? Perhaps not.

We all have alot to pack into twenty-four fours a day....some are more successful then others, but boy, I don't know about you, but for me at the end of each day I still wish I had another two or three hours of extra time. After awhile its easy to feel like a machine punching a time clock, asking yourself, "What's it all about?" The search for meaning in life, for many, comes up empty, until one day a person decides that it's time to embark upon a journey to find what this place called earth is all about....and why we are here. As a collective human family, the answers can come easily...but the individual stories....ah.....therein lies the search that many at some point in their lives find themselves on. That's when we realize we are more than just a number......a sea of faces, where each one has its own story that cries to be heard.

I found, for myself, that I could only go so far until I had to seek out the meaning for my life. Finding inner value became a necessity. I refused to believe that my happiness could only be based upon material things, which I found very temporary, until one day I sat down in a chair, looked up, and said "Please God, help me find the answers." Not until that moment did I feel myself connected with my spiritual essence. I've always looked upon myself as a realist....not somebody who just believes for the sake of believing. I search for evidence. Today as I look around this world I have to believe that there is a reason for everything. I wasn't born to go to school, find a job, make money, retire, and drop dead. Somewhere in-between all of this is Life. We all have a Life.....a story to pass along.

This globe that we live on spirals through space in a synchronized order with our solar system....mathematics in play, numbers all working together to maintain some kind of order....as one thing swings out, eventually it swings back....the pendulum of Time and Space. Each second has its value, and so does each Life.

Foie Gras, I think not!

Imagine having a pipe rammed down your throat, while large amount of food were pumped down your airway. Choking, gasping for air, your tongue doesn't even get to taste and find out what's going in to your stomach.

This is what mankind are doing to some poor creatures just so that people get to eat what they want. Just because the Foie Gras recipe requires a nicely fattened duck or goose liver. We think its our right to do as we see fit, for our own gains and pleasure. What about animal rights? What about their suffering?

I urge all to spare a thought for these animals, abstain from food such as shark's fin, drunken prawns, foie gras, dog meat, where the animals have to suffer miserably at mankind's hands before being slaughtered and served on the table.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYql8T57Wd4

Bumps and Bruises

I bruise forgetfully.

No, that’s not a typo. I have a friend who bruises super easily, (in college, we used to flick her arms just to see how fast the bruise would come up. . . .we were weird that way.) but that’s not my thing.

See, I end up with bruises and have no idea where they came from.

Usually they’re on my legs and I just figure that I walked into something (usually the sharp edge of my bed/table/anything) and "walked it off."

But today I woke up with this massive bruise on my hand.

Make an "L" shape with your thumb and first finger, then draw a straight line down both. See where those lines converge? That’s where my big ol nasty bruise is. And a bump. That I have no idea how I got.

Really, you’d think that something that made a bruise that big and left a lump would be something you’d remember, no?

My best guess is that I’m either so clumsy that I don’t notice all the bazillions of times I run into things, or I’m running into things at work and pretending it didn’t happen so as not to draw attention to my lack of co-ordination.

Or something.

It’s just so weird. I can never remember the incident that gave me the bruise. Maybe I should start a diary:

Saturday, 4pm: ran into table while reading book on way to couch. Left shin..

Morals in the mirror

Over the past couple of months, I've taken a good look at myself, and realized that I'm not too thrilled with what I see. I've become discouraged with the blatant fact that I cannot become a more moral person by mere effort. If I look hard enough at my motivations for doing good things, I begin to see I have partial selfish reasons for doing some of them.

More recently, I think I've discovered something that has really helped me, and I thought I'd share it with everyone out there who struggles with being a moral person and has decided to devote their life to doing what is right. You know who you are, and you know what I mean by being "moral." To put others first in your priorities, to love without expecting to be loved in return, to not steal, lie, wish harm to others, etc. We have a desire to leave our "bit" of influences in better shape then if we were never around to influence them. In fact, we have decided that being moral and following a moral code is more important than anything else - it is a cause that drives our lives as we sit in the passenger seat.

You may be like me, though, and realize that you are really blowing it. You have too many mixed motives for the moral things you do, much less the things you do that you know aren't moral. I feel most days like I am more driven by pride and selfishness to do moral things then I am by the good side of me who desires to do them for no other reason then the fact that they are the right things to do, and to do what is right is a joy to the core of who I am.

So recently, I stumbled across a truth that has really helped me. My method of moral improvement has been an act of willpower that involved focusing like crazy on my faults and trying to improve. I have come to the conclusion that this does not work. I decided to give this up and instead focus on the well being of everyone around me. I started praying more and thinking about what I can do for the people in my life and how I can be of more help to them in a tangible way. I began to try to see myself as a "helper" rather than as an independent, self-centered results-driven person looking out for his own best interest and reputation.

And I think that is a key to being moral. The moral person has devoted themselves to the moral life, and the moral life is about giving up a self-focused, self-directed life where they are in charge. Others are more important. I have found that many of my issues of pride, arrogance, and selfishness have melted away or have at least lost their intensity while I have begun to slowly adopt this new perspective.

So for those of you who want to be moral but who look inside and don't like what they see there, become a servant. Instead of focusing so much on your own faults, focus on how to use your life to enrich and change the lives of others. Something fundamental changes when you start walking down this road. I may be crazy, but I'd say give it a try

Life is constantly throwing me a curve ball, or maybe I just think that sometimes. I guess we all have good days and bad ones too. For so many things, we may feel as if what we feel now is what we will feel forever. We may believe that we can never be happy, never have anything go right in our lives.
We can't control what will happen to us in life. But if we are only able to see the negative possibilities, those are the doors we will open. If we are able to take that leap of faith and believe that things can be different and better and that we are deserving of good things in our lives, then we will see and open doors and take steps that bring those good things into our lives.
When we stop clinging to the darkness, we find the light. When we let go of the familiar anchors to which we are clinging, we may discover we can fly. When we let go of past anger and hurt and fears, we can discover laughter and love and a whole new world of possibilities.
If we make mistakes, so what? This is how we learn. This is how we grow. This is how we move forward in our lives.