Monday, April 19, 2010

Are we there yet? Maybe never?

I think abouth when I used to be more open, less guarded...a little more joyful, even. But, perhaps that's just nostalgia talking.

"When did life get so hard?"

He asked me this a couple of weeks ago. It was a rhetorical question, but I'd wished I'd had an answer, because maybe then I'd have a better sense of how to go about things.

I'm not the sort of person who's never satisfied with what she's got, who's always wanting more, but lately there's an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't be filled.

I want what we all want. A love story of my own (we are sorta there right R????) Not an ideal love, even just the way we are is ok. Just someone to love, who will love me well, and fiercely, sometimes. Fiercely enough to stay.

The thing is...I know that if this sort of love knocked on my door a few months ago I wouldnt have been there....Am I there now? Are we there? I'm not in the place to entertain this right at the moment.....

Ah well...

All in good time.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Is it right?

I have run into a few situations, very recent, where I have been put in a position to make some tough calls. People, things, situations, etc. have come up where I have had the opportunity to "skate" around something I'd rather not even be in a "rink" with or; just totally choose not to put my skates on and go shoe shopping instead! Life is tough from time to time but I really believe It's easier to be yourself than pretending to be someone you are not. I mean why on Earth should we fake something we don't feel. The caveat to this is that I am starting to feel
it's not acceptable socially to be as clear, blunt, and upfront as I tend to be. Should I care? I mean really. Don't buy it if you won't "own" it right? Or wrong?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

it is what it is

Everything reverts to numbers.....shapes, sizes, circles and squares...hey, you even have to have the right numbers to win the lottery! Well, also included in this, I'm afraid, is that as the population of the planet increases, so do the value of its numbers decrease. Is the value of family, work, and play worth more today than say ten years ago? Perhaps not.

We all have alot to pack into twenty-four fours a day....some are more successful then others, but boy, I don't know about you, but for me at the end of each day I still wish I had another two or three hours of extra time. After awhile its easy to feel like a machine punching a time clock, asking yourself, "What's it all about?" The search for meaning in life, for many, comes up empty, until one day a person decides that it's time to embark upon a journey to find what this place called earth is all about....and why we are here. As a collective human family, the answers can come easily...but the individual stories....ah.....therein lies the search that many at some point in their lives find themselves on. That's when we realize we are more than just a number......a sea of faces, where each one has its own story that cries to be heard.

I found, for myself, that I could only go so far until I had to seek out the meaning for my life. Finding inner value became a necessity. I refused to believe that my happiness could only be based upon material things, which I found very temporary, until one day I sat down in a chair, looked up, and said "Please God, help me find the answers." Not until that moment did I feel myself connected with my spiritual essence. I've always looked upon myself as a realist....not somebody who just believes for the sake of believing. I search for evidence. Today as I look around this world I have to believe that there is a reason for everything. I wasn't born to go to school, find a job, make money, retire, and drop dead. Somewhere in-between all of this is Life. We all have a Life.....a story to pass along.

This globe that we live on spirals through space in a synchronized order with our solar system....mathematics in play, numbers all working together to maintain some kind of one thing swings out, eventually it swings back....the pendulum of Time and Space. Each second has its value, and so does each Life.