Keep Calm and Carry on Mom

From time to time I hang up from talking to my mother feeling inspired.  She was an amazing mom who did anything and everything for me.  More often than not every conversation also includes unsolicited parenting advice.  She loves to tell me that I'm too strict (totally NOT), and she also reminds me that this time in our lives is going to be over before we know it.  Kids grow up SO fast and I am really starting to understand the "time flies" idea. Last night we talked about all of the fun we shared while I was growing up and how tolerant she was of any and all of my antics.  She really was.  I know that I am impatient with regard to life, and in turn know that there are a few things I really need to CHILL out about.....For now I am going to focus on being the "KIND of MOM" I remember my mom being........ 

•  The kind that smiles when Scout wakes me up extra early when my night was extra late.
• The kind that can resist saying, “Please don’t walk through the puddles or the mud… you have cute shoes on”
• The kind that encourages creative expression instead of saying "stop making a mess!"
• The kind that can play legos or superhero for more than 20 minutes before saying “OK, Mommy’s going to read” and pulling out my People .
• The kind that never says, “No, we CANNOT play outside. Now sit down and watch TV.”
• The kind that can make a great meal for Scout that doesn’t include anything that comes from a box.
• The kind that can embrace the idea that soon enough he won't want to sleep with me and my heart will ache.
• The kind willing to entertain 99% of his wild and crazy ideas.

I really just want to be the kind of mom that doesn’t lose her s*it each ime he whines about something that totally matters to a four year old person. Or because I won’t give him ice cream for breakfast (on a regular basis). Or because I want him to wear more than three items from his overflowing closet Or because…I could go on ALL day.  I just want to be the "KEEPS CALM AND CARRIES ON MOM"  MOST of the time.  For now I am just going to do my best, love him like crazy, and  accept that I have NO clue what it feels like to be a wild and crazy four year old boy but I will always do my best to try and understand!

To my friend, I am sorry your heart hurts!

I’m no stranger to heartbreak. Like clothing at a vintage store, each one of mine is as unique as the relationship that preceded it. And regardless of the reasons or who did what, it always sucks. I will venture to say, though, that being the one who is on the receiving end has it worse than the deliveryman! So I’ve drawn on my extensive “getting dumped” experience and written an open letter to any of my sweet friends going thru something....“You tried! You loved him the best you could. You threw yourself in. You tried to show him how to love you, and it still did NOT work.  It’s not your fault, you did everything YOU knew to do!  Yes, this hurts. Because you gave so much more of yourself than you ever normally would have, more than you even knew you had in you. Because you compromised your own pride for him, Because you made him a priority, and in return all you were told  that you did NOT do enough.

You have to remember that compromise has to come from both sides of an equation, and you just can’t keep giving to someone who isn’t willing to give back. If you keep trying to do that, you’re just going to keep hurting. You tried to lower and lower the level of sacrifice, until he finally told you he couldn’t sacrifice anything at all. Yes, he was worth it to you, but you weren’t to him. So now you have to love yourself more than him. Now you have try to replace who you thought was irreplaceable, because you’ve been told that you are replaceable. You should not be made to feel interchangeable with whoever is convenient.

You have to remember that love doesn’t deal in “ifs” and “whens,” but in “always” and “no matter the circumstances.” “Can’t” is not in the vocabulary of love, only “how.” He couldn’t be bothered to figure that out with you, so you only got “can’t.” You deserve better than a man like that. You deserve someone who will think of ways to get the two of you around the obstacles that enter your path. Someone who thinks in “us” and “we,” not “I” and “me.” So keep fighting through the bad days, revel in the good ones, and remember that you’re worth it to someone. When you find him all this pain will make sense. You loved the wrong person so well, so just imagine how amazing you will be at loving the right person. Imagine what it will feel like to have all this trying actually be reciprocated. Trust that you will only go up from here, and push yourself to get there as soon as you can. You gave it everything, and as long as you keep that up, you’re going to be just fine.”
          

Thank you for dragging the step stool over to the kitchen counter to help me. Every single time I try to do anything. You’re right that I was foolish to think I could do something without you. You’re right that your job is to learn, especially from me. You’re right that I need to find better horizontal surfaces to cover with all the stuff I don’t want you touching. Thank you for that reminder.. 

Thank you for demanding your independence. You’re right that I don’t have to open that cheese or tie your shoes or zip your jacket or cut the bread by myself. Of course you need to learn by trying. I know it makes you happy to try and you’re willingly to let me finish if your sweet little hands can’t complete the task. Thank you for reminding me what the whole 22month to 4 year process is about. You. Not me.

Thank you for refusing to snuggle....You’re right that angry feels like hitting. We don’t hit, Nugget! Good thing I know that :) Thank you for the reminder that I need to take a break when someone makes me so mad I see black. Good job, Nugget....You’re the best.

Thank you for delighting in playing with simple things. You’re right that we should pour water back and forth from cup to pot for a long, long time. You’re right that it’s fun to open and close doors dozens of times. Thank you for finally slowing down for two seconds to do these things, Nugget. You’ve been whirling around for so long without stopping that I wasn’t sure I’d blink before you turned Two. Thanks for your new love of repetition (and for setting up my ability to share that love by running me ragged for a year.) Let’s go get the pots and the water, shall we?

Thank you for pointing out that, whatever I give you leaves one of your hands empty. You’re right. You have two hands. So of course you need two chips. Yes. Two bananas. Two sticks. Two halves of the sandwich. Thank you for noticing both halves of your body, Butterbug. Thank you for making me see all functional units in pairs.

Kind of like us, right?

Love you, sweet little man.
—Mama.

Of course not :)

Why can’t all of the problems and questions we face be answered with yes or no?  Ok so most of the time it is much more complicated that :(

If only matters of the heart over head or head over heart situation could be answered with a yes or a no, life would be so much simpler. I guess it doesn’t help when I am not totally sure how I feel, how I am supposed to feel or even what I need to feel....

Who really knows? In all honesty I have no idea anymore. It’s not as simple as it was at the beginning, but what ever stays totally simple? 

Getting a dog???

So...You may consider getting a dog..........Remember it is FOREVER.........

Not just UNTIL he potties inside. 
Not just UNTIL he chews up your shoes. 
Not just UNTIL YOU get new carpet
Not just UNTIL she gets too big
Not just UNTIL you decide to have a baby
PETS ARE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT....AND worth SO much more than the effort you will put into them :)  

Happy Easter Scout

There is no "right" way. I know you know this, I see it on a daily basis. You push the limits, you ask for more than anyone can give, you dream so much bigger than anyone can imagine.  I remember that feeling.
What I want to tell you is that there is NO right way to feel or grow :)
In the meantime, know that you are a talented, brilliant human being, regardless of what anyone else thinks or what everyone else is doing. It can be a tough road when you're "getting bigger" but it is your road. Make the most of it.

I LOVE YOU, 
Mommy

Be Kind

I do not have the energy to wish you would die or hurt.

I will not use my time or breath to insult you. I am too busy teaching her to trust again and love.  We are ALL not terrible or mean. 

I do not want you to experience what you did to an animal. I am too busy trying to heal the emotional wounds of an abused or neglected animal.... Showing me those awful experiences won't happen ever again...

I will not give my energy to contribute to conversations that only speak of unethical ways of punishing you. My energy goes to solving the problem of abuse through education, awareness, kindness.

I will not keep you from being a good parent or seeing our child.  I WILL use my voice instead for the children in humane education courses and helping teachers learn how to help kids speak in safe environments about the animal abuse in their homes before the animal abuse turns to child abuse.

What I do want for you is for you to experience the process of acceptance, to acknowledge your actions, be accountable for your choices, and seek whatever help you need to deal anger.

I want for you to serve your time willingly, not make excuses, and recognize the redemption found in helping others in need.

I want you to heal whatever it is inside you that let you think it was acceptable to do what you did.

I want you to heal enough that you are able to give back the love she has given to Us and appreciate and accept that animals are far more amazing than we are.  Forgiveness is underrated and KINDNESS is everything.

Basically I want you to LOVE without conditions,

Laramie