Friday, December 27, 2013

Keep Calm and Carry on Mom

From time to time I hang up from talking to my mother feeling inspired.  She was an amazing mom who did anything and everything for me.  More often than not every conversation also includes unsolicited parenting advice.  She loves to tell me that I'm too strict (totally NOT), and she also reminds me that this time in our lives is going to be over before we know it.  Kids grow up SO fast and I am really starting to understand the "time flies" idea. Last night we talked about all of the fun we shared while I was growing up and how tolerant she was of any and all of my antics.  She really was.  I know that I am impatient with regard to life, and in turn know that there are a few things I really need to CHILL out about.....For now I am going to focus on being the "KIND of MOM" I remember my mom being........ 
  •  The kind that smiles when Scout wakes me up extra early when my night was extra late.
  • The kind that can resist saying, “Please don’t walk through the puddles or the mud… you have cute shoes on”
  • The kind that encourages creative expression instead of saying "stop making a mess!"
  • The kind that can play legos or superhero for more than 20 minutes before saying “OK, Mommy’s going to read” and pulling out my People .
  • The kind that never says, “No, we CANNOT play outside. Now sit down and watch TV.”
  • The kind that can make a great meal for Scout that doesn’t include anything that comes from a box.
  • The kind that can embrace the idea that soon enough he won't want to sleep with me and my heart will ache.
  • The kind willing to entertain 99% of his wild and crazy ideas.
I really just want to be the kind of mom that doesn’t lose her s*it each ime he whines about something that totally matters to a four year old person. Or because I won’t give him ice cream for breakfast (on a regular basis). Or because I want him to wear more than three items from his overflowing closet Or because…I could go on ALL day.  I just want to be the "KEEPS CALM AND CARRIES ON MOM"  MOST of the time.  For now I am just going to do my best, love him like crazy, and  accept that I have NO clue what it feels like to be a wild and crazy four year old boy but I will always do my best to try and understand!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

To my friend, I am sorry your heart hurts!

I’m no stranger to heartbreak. Like clothing at a vintage store, each one of mine is as unique as the relationship that preceded it. And regardless of the reasons or who did what, it always sucks. I will venture to say, though, that being the one who is on the receiving end has it worse than the deliveryman! So I’ve drawn on my extensive “getting dumped” experience and written an open letter to any of my sweet friends going thru something....“You tried! You loved him the best you could. You threw yourself in. You tried to show him how to love you, and it still did NOT work.  It’s not your fault, you did everything YOU knew to do!  Yes, this hurts. Because you gave so much more of yourself than you ever normally would have, more than you even knew you had in you. Because you compromised your own pride for him, Because you made him a priority, and in return all you were told  that you did NOT do enough.
You have to remember that compromise has to come from both sides of an equation, and you just can’t keep giving to someone who isn’t willing to give back. If you keep trying to do that, you’re just going to keep hurting. You tried to lower and lower the level of sacrifice, until he finally told you he couldn’t sacrifice anything at all. Yes, he was worth it to you, but you weren’t to him. So now you have to love yourself more than him. Now you have try to replace who you thought was irreplaceable, because you’ve been told that you are replaceable. You should not be made to feel interchangeable with whoever is convenient.
You have to remember that love doesn’t deal in “ifs” and “whens,” but in “always” and “no matter the circumstances.” “Can’t” is not in the vocabulary of love, only “how.” He couldn’t be bothered to figure that out with you, so you only got “can’t.” You deserve better than a man like that. You deserve someone who will think of ways to get the two of you around the obstacles that enter your path. Someone who thinks in “us” and “we,” not “I” and “me.” So keep fighting through the bad days, revel in the good ones, and remember that you’re worth it to someone. When you find him all this pain will make sense. You loved the wrong person so well, so just imagine how amazing you will be at loving the right person. Imagine what it will feel like to have all this trying actually be reciprocated. Trust that you will only go up from here, and push yourself to get there as soon as you can. You gave it everything, and as long as you keep that up, you’re going to be just fine.”