Thursday, April 14, 2011

Some days; truthfully MOST days I have the answer to most of MY own questions, concerns and obstacles.... Being Scout's Mom has changed EVERYTHING! Personally I have NEVER understood spanking/hitting/hurting another creature in order to "teach" a lesson. My father "spanked" me once and cried more than I did. I still feel guilty for the added emotion and dramatics I included in the semi-swat that occurred at 415 Woodhurst Lane, Coppell Texas 75019 in 1988. Sorry Dad, I hope you realize that act of desperation was not well received by either of us! My mother pulled that card more often. It was generally out of frustration and lack of an alternative. Having a STRONG WILLED CHILD was foreign in the early 1980's. I get it, I don't feel I became an aggressive person because of them or their parenting. I have never been in a physical fight and I am 31 years old. However, speaking with friends, coworkers, and even my HUSBAND I am realizing despite the 10 spankings my mother gave me and ONE from my dad, its NOTHING compared with others and even some of SCOUTS friends TODAY in 2011......With all of the fabulous research, studies, personal testimony, etc... How can HITTING an innocent child for; forgetting to listen, forgetting to share, forgetting the truth, having an accident, missing the mark be OK? Who are WE to set up these expectations for our children? Aren't they a blessing? I finished reading SEVERAL STUDIES that include years of research, this was a favorite:

From the press release:

"Toddlers that are spanked more frequently at age 3 are at increased risk for being more aggressive at age 5," said Taylor, assistant professor of Community Health Sciences at Tulane and lead author of the study. "We found this to be true even after taking into account other factors that might have explained this association such as the parents' level of stress, depression, use of drugs or alcohol, and the presence of other aggression within the family."

Study authors asked nearly 2,500 mothers how often they spanked their 3-year-old child in the past month, as well as questions about their child's level of aggression, demographic features and eight identified maternal parenting risk factors. Almost half (45.6 percent) of the mothers reported no spanking in the previous month, while 27.9 percent reported spanking one or two times, and 26.5 percent reported spanking more than twice. Mothers with more parenting risk factors were more likely to spank frequently. However, even accounting for these potential confounding factors, frequent spanking at age 3 increased the odds of higher levels of aggression at age 5. Signs of aggression included behaviors such as arguing or screaming; cruelty, bullying or meanness to others; destroys things; fighting and frequently threatening others.

You can read the entire study online here

Yikes, what are WE doing???? I can safely say communication and praise are working for us. Scout is a STRONG WILLED CHILD and sometimes it takes everything I have to clearly draw the lines for him as a 21 month old baby, but it is worth it. He is an amazingly kind and compassionate soul. I am NOT saying he won't become some inhumane, selfish hillbilly who forgets to respect LIFE, but at THIS point I am proud of him and will continue to preach compassion and kindness as opposed to anger and hurt....

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Forgive or not????

One of my favorite friends and I were talking about forgiveness and saying it was one of the important qualities of a person. According to, forgiveness means the act of forgiving and to forgive means to grant pardon for, to grant pardon to (a person) or to cease to feel resentment against.Gandhi said it well when he said that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. For most people, to forgive is a difficult thing to do. In fact to forgive, it takes a whole lot of courage to do it. However, why do we find it so hard to forgive someone? Is is because of the need to let the person knows that we are angry with him/her? Or is it because if we forgive that person, it means that the person wins? I feel like so many people think that to forgive is all about the other person. I think that when you forgive someone, you free yourself from anger; anger is a very strong negative feeling and it blocks you from loving. Being angry sucks and allows the person or situation to take over control of you.