Monday, April 16, 2012

I trust.....

I've placed trust in others. I've misplaced it. I've been trusted. I've been untrustworthy. People let you down, sometimes when you least expect it. They do all sorts of shit, for all sorts of complicated reasons. You forgive, forget, move forward. Sometimes, you just move on.I will be hurt again. Such is life.
I trust that... inner voice knows what it's talking about, when I choose to listen to it.
...I will know when to draw the line.
...I will have the support of family and friends to see me through.
...even though it hurts, I'll recover.
It seems a lot of people are on a quest for happiness, trying to think themselves there, trying to attain it as though it was some grand state of being.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that happiness is an emotion, like any sadness, or anger. It is not an end goal, but is found in moments.

Happiness comes and goes.
Happiness. Sadness.
"This too shall pass." thought is...
Enjoy it while you can.
Recognize it.
Cultivate it, even.

It's in the little things...
...kind words.
...when I get it right.
...warm thoughts remembered.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Guilt, YUCK

To be such a small word... it holds so much meaning. 

At some point in each of our lives, we've all experienced guilt, in one form or another.

Sometimes... we feel guilty, because we've done something wrong. Maybe we hurt someone, or failed someone, or lost someone. 

At those times, we should feel guilty, because we made choices that compromised our integrity... and we hurt others in the process. 

It's important for us to acknowledge, accept, and process those feelings of guilt, because that's what makes us human-- humans who actually give a crap. But also, that guilt can be leveraged for good. It can push us forward... challenging us to right the wrongs, and become better people. 

In those cases, guilt provides us with an honest opportunity to apologize, make amends, grow, and heal. Obviously, these are good things

However... far too often... we feel guilty for things that we shouldn't feel guilty about. And I'm calling myself out on this one... big time

I'm guilty of... excessive guilt. 
Chances are... you are too.

What do I mean? 

Well... I feel guilty when I work too much. I feel guilty when I work too little. I feel guilty when I ask for help. I feel guilty when I don't even ask. 

I feel guilty when I say, "Yes." I feel guilty when I say, "No." I feel guilty when I take chances. I feel guilty when I avoid risks. 

I feel guilty because I did too little. I feel guilty because I did too much. I feel guilty when I put myself first. I feel guilty when I put myself last.

I feel guilty for about 20000 million other reasons too, but I think you catch my drift...

Sooo... at this point, you're probably thinking 1 of 2 things: 
1- "OMG! Me too!!!"
2- "This chick is sooo lame..."

To those of you in that second group... you're absolutely right. I'm way lame.

But to the first group... that "me-too-crew", I feel your pain. Trust me... I do. I'm always worried that I've let someone down, even when I haven't. I'm always feeling like I haven't done enough, even when I have. And I always seem to apologize for things... that need no apology. 

With that last line about apologies, I can guarantee you that every person who knows me personally just laughed and thought, "She sooo does that." 

Don't trade your power for guilt. Trade guilt for your power