Thursday, August 5, 2010

Sorry I’ve been mostly MIA from the blog for a bit. A friend has visited, We went to Florida and Scout is a busy body all of a sudden and I feel I am always off trying to entertain him (which is kind of an exhausting task, I won’t lie).

So, last night I went to the gym. Nothing groundbreaking there. However, I had several thoughts as I ran in place on a moving conveyor belt. Here are some of them.

  • Do other people experience this? It seems like every time I go to the gym, there are a couple of people who are always there. It seems impossible that we have the same exact schedule. These people are ALWAYS at the gym!! One of them is the cutest old man who comes to the Zumba class I do. I love that he’s not embarrassed to go to an overwhelmingly female class. There is another woman who is about 45-50 I’d guess, tanned to the max, definitely has breast implants, and always wears full makeup and has her hair done. She also always wears the same outfit.
  • There is a woman who I see running on the treadmill almost every time I go. She is a beast. Not in the physical sense, she’s a small woman, but holy shit. She runs around a 7:20 minute mile. That is fast!!! What kills me though is her running posture. She runs with her arms bent at her sides like a velociraptor. I made fun of her in my head at first until I realized she ran 6 miles in like 43 minutes and was kicking my ass on the treadmill.I particularly enjoyed last night looking over and seeing a guy going to town on a climbing machine. The machine is right next to a mirrored wall and he was watching himself with such pride. He was staring at himself and smiling. I loved it. Then he caught me looking at him and that was an awkward moment.
  • I like when someone gets on the treadmill around the same time as me and starts running. It sounds weird perhaps but it gives me motivation. If I’m struggling but they’re still next to me running, I don’t want to quit. It’s like they’re pushing me to keep going. Last night the guy next to me got off and I still had another mile to go!! Asshole. (Just kidding).

Sunday, the guy I dated 5 years got married. I’ve been thinking about it and how I feel about it. I’m not sad. I’m….incredulous? Confused, perhaps? I am married and happy, for the most part :) Long ago I wrote about letting go of the hurt and just wishing him well. I still feel those things. I guess I am just kind of mad that we never had a conversation about the way it ended when it really finally did end. He could’ve gone out not looking like such an asshole but he didn’t. It should’ve been over when he told me about the other girl he had "coffee" with (who, no, is not the girl he married today). However, he kept texting and calling and confusing me. I almost missed out on marrying my current husband because of this clown. I was delusional for awhile and thought somehow it was going to work out. I think if I had been strong enough, it would’ve been best to cut him out completely, but I didn’t feel like I could. It took him moving to Texas trying to work "us" out. They got married Sunday evening and he already changed it on facebook. That’s the world we live in, I guess. In a way, I’m glad this happened. It closes a chapter for me forever. I can look back at what we had as a complete and finished memory. We won’t be making any more together.

I’m really going to try to resolve to focus on myself. That sounds cliche, perhaps, but I think for the best. There is a lot I want to accomplish. I want to continue to make my life fuller. I want to keep making Scout and Roger happy and happier. I want to meet people and make more REAL friend. I want to keep working to find contentment in the present. Sometimes I think I just get lonely or maybe bored. Such is life.

This may be the most boring post I’ve ever written. Sorry dudes. I have something I’m thinking about writing later. Maybe it’ll be a little more riveting.