A few nights ago when I got a call from the "Pitcher" I figured out why I am so hesitant and generally wishy-washy about him and why I am NOT ready to date in general.
I
was settled into my new weekend routine, when my little nugget is with his dad, watching DVR while having a
glass of wine. A friend of mine was over and we were debating the
relative hotness of the guys on the show. Very important
stuff.
The Pitcher called, so I
excused myself to the patio so as to not interrupt the
television-watching. He asked what I was doing, and I told him without
hesitating, "Drinking a glass of wine and watching TV with a friend."
"Oh, you're all snuggled up with someone?" he asked, which is a lame way of asking if I'm seeing someone.
I
assured him that I wasn't and we had a short conversation. Toward the
end he said, "Well, it was good talking to you. Go enjoy your bottle of
wine."
"Glass," I said. "I'm having a glass of wine."
"Well, one always leads to another," he said. "You know how that works."
And
that's when it hit me. I am ambivalent about him because he makes me
feel self-conscious about my actions and because no matter what happens,
I will always be the "bad" one in the relationship.
I am an
adult. I'm 33 and I drink and I wear shirts that show off my cleavage
sometimes and I hobble around on three-inch heels. I sometimes stay out late and I look forward to a glass of wine after after a long day. I get
manicures, I bribe my son with Skylanders and I don't save as much money as I should.
I stay up late. I enjoy trashy TV shows when I should be vacuuming or organizing
or bleaching something. I eat grapes and grilled cheese or pizza and
pb&j when I should be having a salad and apple slices. I play Taylor Swift too loud so that Scout and i dance around the house in our PJs and crack ourselves up.
I sleep in when Scouts not home and my last thought at night before I
go to bed is about what time I should set my alarm. I often skip
breakfast, but I always have my coffee. I am slightly addicted to Diet
Coke and at least once a week, I sneak off to the candy isle of Tom
Thumb for a white chocolate Reese's peanut butter cup.
And I am fine with it all.
I'm
also a good mother, friend and daughter. I love my son and the rest of family and friends. I work
hard. .
I am a shoulder to cry on, someone who will listen and a person you can
go to when you just want to laugh. I will cook you dinner and make dessert.
I love the Lord and go to a non denominational church on Saturdays even tho I am an Episcopalian.
I will dance all night for your
birthday and buy you a drink when your heart is broken. I'll give you
advice I know you won't take and I will do my best to avoid saying "I
told you so" later. (I sometimes fail at this one.) You can cry to me
and I will never tell anyone. You can tease me and I'll tease back.
And what I really need is someone who is fine with it all, too. I am guessing this person may not exist. I am okay with this. Being happy alone, is much better than being unhappy with someone else.
So please Pitcher, delete my number. You have been retired IR just won't cut it anymore.
