Friday, January 9, 2015


Sometimes, the most difficult grieving to be done is not for what has been lost, but for what one never had in the first place.

It occurred to me today, that this is an odd statement. It's often used by people to describe their relationship with someone with whom they've not had, (or are not currently having sex with)

"So are you know...wink wink, nudge nudge."

"Oh, no. We're just friends."

It's the 'just' part of 'just friends,' that I don't get. It makes it sound like it's somehow second best; second, anyway, to someone you have 'done it' with.

In thinking about it, it doesn't seem right at all. My friends are the people who've stuck around through the years, (despite the fact that I haven't 'put out'), to share the good and the bad, of one another, and of life. The people I've had sex with, though (some of whom swore their undying love)...well...where the hell are they?! With the exception of 5 or 6 with whom I'm still close, they're go-o-ooone.
If you ask me, it should be just the opposite.
"So...are you guys, you know...friends?"
"Oh no. We just had sex."
Just sayin'.
Throughout my dating/relationship years, I've come to realize that the particular passion (you know the one), that fuels and consumes us in the early part of a relationship doesn't last forever. It's wonderful, but it's over-rated when you realize that what is needed to sustain a relationship through the years is the sort of intimacy that comes with a much deeper connection; one of mutual admiration, respect, kindness and caring. And, if you already have that in a relationship, can the passion grow from there? Ideally, a relationship would have both, but if you had to choose one...
My question is...
Would you risk a wonderful friendship to see if it could be something more? Or, would you be satisfied with the wonderful friendship, just the way it is?
I already know my answer. At least...I think I do...